Jiajun,

♥ Tuesday, January 09, 2007

i dunno wad to do....
she left miie...
throwing miie into a hole of darkness...
i'm so lost, so terrified, so cold..
she, my Sun, is covered by the dark clouds..
taking away my only light, my only warmth...
i'm so alone..

she was place permanantly in my heart...
in the deepest end of it...
its only her hu can make my heart works...
on the same hand, its only her hu can make it dead instantly too...
now dat she left...
my heart is not working anymore...
it was left wif an empty patch...i guess even after a long time...
it also cnt be healed, cnt be sewed...

all this while when i'm wif her...
i didnt spare a thought for her...
didnt put myself in her shoe...
didnt realise her difficulty,
the problems she's facing...
and yet...i'm still blame her for nort accompaning miie...
still grumble at her over a small thing...
and she did nort even complain bout it..
miie as her stead, her boyfriend,
did nort give her the most comfortable shoulder to lean on wen she ish so tired...
and still.., pushing her deeper into the water...
making her cant even gaspe for the air...
and nearly suffocated...
i did nort did my part as a boyfriend well...so y should her...
i guess u all can say i deserved all dis...

i felt so sorried wen i saw the inner world of hers...
wen i den realise y she plae bak a stupid game call 'Maple'...
its cox i was so into dis game dat time...
that i neglected her...
so as to felt nort being neglcted by miie...
she played bak dis game which she hated...
i was a fool...
nort to realise all dis...
i told her that she shud tell miie all dis in the 1st place...n nort keeping dem in her blog..
she told miie that...i did nort shared my problems wif her...
and it will be kinda hard for her to start sayin hers...
i was made silence wen i heard dis...
why..? why..?
why did i told all my feelings to my frens...and nort to her...
my stead..,
my another half...
and worst...she was to noe all my feelings thru my friends hu indirectly telling her...
and nort directly thru miie...i'm a failure.

in her blog..she noted dat i always get jealous easily...
and she dont like it...same to others girls out dere...
but i juz wanted to sae...
wad i felt..ish nort much of jealousy...
ish fear...
feared dat i might lose her...
when i loved n cherished her the most...
so whenever guy came near her...
i juz walked away silently...

now..i juz wan to tell her...
that i'm willing to be her punching bag wen she ish angry...
her best listener wen she juz nid to shout out all her problems...
her most comfortable shoulder for her to lean on wen she ish so tired...
but i guess,
even if i'm willing to do all dis...
she does nort need all dis frm miie anymore bahs...

i often told my fren how disappointed i m on her...
for nort accompaning miie always...
but...
after i get to noe her inner thoughts..
i den realise dat her disappointment on miie,
ish much more den mine on her...

Thx for giving all the sweet moments for the last 5 months..
i'm reali glad dat i haf a chance to be ur 2nd half once..
take cares of urself...
rmb to cover blanket at nite wen sleeping..if nort later nort feeling well again..
and rmb to wake up early to prepare for school as u live so far from it...
~our story started at O1/O8/O6~
[ended at O9/O1/O7 -162 daes...]

though i still lurve you...
juz born..,